overthinking

I over-think things way too much.

Most of the time people are just joking with me, and I know that. I know that they don't mean it when they say "we can't be friends anymore!" or "I'm not going to talk to you ever again!" but I still can't help but wonder if there is a grain of truth in what they're saying.

(I think I've blogged about this before, but I'm too lazy to go look and see right now. so, sorry if I have)

I mean, really though. What if they are really telling the truth in a sarcastic way? What if they're too scared to tell me that my story really freaks them out and they don't want to talk to me again?

STOP.
JENNA.

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? ... But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." (matt 6)

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." (john 14)

"An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up." (prov 12)

"I keep my eyes always on the LORD. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.." (psalm 16)

"The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him" (psalm 28)

"They will have no fear of bad news;  their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the LORD." (psalm 112)

Okay, God. I get it. 
I know that this concept of not worrying about every little thing people say to me is an easy idea... but the carrying out of it is very difficult, near to impossible!! But that is what God is here to help me with? I just need to be 100% content in HIM not in what other people say to me. 


***
that was my random thought of the day. you're welcome.
<3jen

I feel like there's an elephant on my chest. It's been several years since this old haunt has been around. I know it's wrong, but it's so hard to fight this depression sometimes, ya know? Maybe you don't know, but I would appreciate prayers nonetheless. 

<3jen

I know that it is just Satan whispering lies into my head 99.99999% of the time, but sometimes it's hard to detect if it's him or actual common sense. 

Praying for clarity. 

<3jen

Half two: days 17-31

October 17: "If you had told me three years ago that I would be outside an arc church right now listening to hard core music with a bunch of hipster Christians, I would've laughed in your face."

October 18: Shot my first football game for a legit newspaper. It was homecoming for Auburn High School versus Lee Montgomery. I shot it for the OA news… totally awkward, but cool? Not necessarily sure I want to repeat that experience again.

October 19: Went to the Syrup Soppin’ with my family… first time there, and first time to try legit cane syrup. SUPER yummy.

October 20: Told my full story to someone. Awful, ugly current struggles and all. No photo for this one because it wasn't pretty. 

October 21: Went to ONE prayer for the first time… aka a prayer service for our college service. Aka the most awesome night of my week. ALSO went to the emergency room for the first time. Not for me, but I took a friend. He’s okay and we didn’t even stay for more than an hour but it was still a first.. haha

October 22: Sang with a worship band in front of people for the first time… I mean, I sing with The Butterbean Band at nursing homes, but this is totally different. Leading people in worship to God as opposed to just singing a solo? Much more enjoyable.

October 23: Ate a coffee bean. Never done that or even desired to do that before. It was disgusting, in case you were wondering, but I ate it nonetheless.

October 24: Made a C on a test. That was my first. And I pray to goodness that NEVER happens again. (And then Katie bought me hot chocolate and all was well with the world) (update:: went and met with my teacher and got a B instead... Guess that kinda nulls this first, but whatevs)

October 25: I handed out pizza on the concourse with ONE people. I’ve never handed anything out on the concourse. But it was awesome. A smile and a pizza!

October 26: Carved pumpkins for the first time without my dad… but it was still SUPER fun.

October 27: Had my first Highlands worship meeting… one step closer to getting to use my gifts for something other than getting compliments or singing in the shower! Very awesome.

October 28: I don't really have a good first for this day... I got ready for school in exactly four minutes cause I had turned all of my alarms off in my sleep. Then I just felt like crap all day... Whatever. It's casual. 

October 29: Attended my first soccer game. Not my favorite sport still, but I don’t HATE it anymore. I guess that’s a plus. :)

October 30: I completely ignored a text today. I've never really done that before. I feel absolutely horrible but it had to be done I guess. Blahhh (most people wouldn't consider that a first, but whatever)

October 31: ordered clothes online. horrible first to end this month on, but it's all I could think of!

Bonus:: better way to end my month of firsts -- shot my first courthouse wedding today. It was beautiful and sweet and I'm excited about the photos. :) #sootc

Worship?

I love to sing. 

A part of me just lights up when a perfect harmony is made or when a beautiful note is sung. 

But my whole life I've believed (for some crazy reason) that singing is only worshipful when you are actually meaning every word you sing and not focused at all on the music or how you or anyone else sounds. 

**

Last week I was talking with one of my friends on the production team at church. I was asking all sorts of questions about lighting boards and gels - you know, just being the inquisitive person that I am - when I asked him if the team gets to worship while they're in the booth. He stopped dead in his tracks, looked at me, and said "Get to worship? God created me to do production! I worship Him through my talents, through lighting and   sound, through creating an atmosphere for others to freely encounter God!" 

And that really struck a new thought inside of me. 

What if my singing was a method of worship to God? I mean, I know that the words are important and I do try to always mean what I sing, but those times when I focus on hitting the right notes and making a joyful noise unto The Lord (scripture quoting. What what)? That's worship. 

He created me to sing. He created me to love music. When I am using my talents, my passions, to bring Him glory, there is no greater worship than that. 

<3jen

firsts: days 1 - 16

My firsts. In all their glorious and hideousness. :)

October 1: Pulled my first all-nighter at college... Went and worshiped under the stars and made waffles at 2am.

October 2: Watched the sun rise for the first time in my life. Well, we missed the initial part, but we saw the sun peek over the horizon and it was beautiful. 

October 3: Ate ribs for the first time in three years. Not a true first, but still pretty momentous. 

October 4: shot my first college basketball game... AH. loved it.

October 5: actually made toilet paper stick to whatever I was rolling for first time... Finally getting those biceps. ;)

October 6: first time to be truly acquainted with my life verse... big deal.

October 7: (lots of firsts on this day) first time eating Panda Express, first time riding the night transit, and first time drinking coffee or anything with caffiene in it!

October 8: Went and stayed at wafflehouse until after midnight after small group... 

October 9: Got my cartilage pierced and went to Motion Night at Highlands for the first time. 

October 10: not a good first, but it was the first time that I wrote a paper the night before it was due... Worshipping Jesus came first. No shame. 

October 11: first hard core concert. And it was absolutely amazing.

October 12: Learned to play the guitar... Taught by the amazing Katie! Praises.

October 13: first time buying things at a farmer's market... 

October 14: ONE prayer. Best experience. Love worshipping and praying with some of my favorites. 

October 15: learned how to do a swing dance flip at small group... Holla

October 16: shot my first photo journalism assignment... (it was this sweet cancer survivor, and she actually went to my church! crazy. divine encounter.)

Here's to the second half of this month and many many new opportunities!

Month of firsts, explanation

Everyone is like "who are you!?" "You are not Jenna!" But in all reality, I think I'm finally figuring out who God made me to be. And it's okay. I don't have to be this perfect little Christian homebody. I can be passionately in love with God and life and I don't have to be ashamed of that! 

So, this week I've done something new every single day. And last night as I was talking to Katie about it, I was like "I hate for this week to end, because I have love all of these new experiences!" And she suggested making it a month. So here's to October, my month of firsts.