beauty through the rubble

"As the flowers poke through the rubble of the tornado-stricken houses, I'm reminded yet again of God's grace shining through my brokenness."

look up

http://blog.petflow.com/a-video-everyone-needs-to-see/

That video? It stepped on my toes.

So many times I've already noticed myself drifting away from conversation and into my phone. Conversing with people not here with there are people right in front of me who long to hear my voice.

How did this happen? When did I get so obsessed?

Something to break free of. Something to wade through.

So goodbye to ignoring real people and speaking only to names.

I'm going to find that balance, cause i don't want to live with regrets and closed doors, lost friendships and hurt feelings.

***
Food for thought.
<3jen

finish well.

"It's not about how you start; all that matters is how you finish."

I was sitting in yet another class, on yet another Monday, without any motivation for the rest of this semester. I was content with mainly B's this semester and not having to work hard these last few weeks... but then Dr. Powell dropped this nugget and it struck a chord with me.

So many of the weeks of this semester I completely checked out. I was physically in class, taking notes, being tested... but in reality, I was dead inside. Some days I had no emotion, others just no desire to live or really even do anything.

But yet, there was grace abounding all the more.

I struggled. I pulled people down. I didn't breathe life into people. I failed quizzes and bombed tests. I  complained constantly. I hurt myself and everyone around me.

"God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us." (Acts 17:27)

Somehow I've survived. Well, almost. I still have four weeks left of this semester and am void of any motivation. But I'm fighting back.

I'm not gonna write this semester off as the worst one of my life... sure, it's been one of the hardest. But looking back? It's had so many good blessings in the midst of all of the crap.

God's been working. Always working.

I'm not going to be satisfied with a mediocre finish. I'm not gonna beat myself up for all the mistakes I made this semester. I'm taking a new perspective to finish it out.

It's not about reflecting on our debt -- all that God has to forgive us for. All our struggles and hurts. But it's about reflecting on how much we've been forgiven. How gladly He paid our debt. How much He loves us despite it all.


Stay strong. Finish well.
<3jen

Times

I can't play the guitar very well. I pluck and twang and can barely carry a melody, let alone strum it to sound like a song. But lately it has become my solace.

I can only play about three songs well, but there has been one song lately that makes me cry every time. It speaks to my very soul - and epitomizes every part of my life.

Just had to share.
<3jen

"Times"

I know I need You

I need to love You

I'd love to see You but it's been so long 

I long to feel You

I feel this need for You

I need to hear You

Is that so wrong

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh 

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh 

Now You pull me near You

When we're close I fear You

Still I'm afraid to tell you all that I've done 

Are You done forgiving

Or can You look past my pretending, Lord

I'm so tired of defending what I've become

What have I become

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh 

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh 

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh 

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh 

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh 

I hear You say

My love is over

It's underneath

It's inside

It's in between 

The times that you doubt me

When you can't feel

The times that you question

Is this for real 

The times you're broken

The times that you mend

The times you hate me

And the times that you bend 

Well my love is over

It's underneath

It's inside

It's in between 

The times that you're healing

And when your heart breaks

The times that you feel like you've fallen from grace 

The times you're hurting

The times that you heal

The times you go hungry and are tempted to steal 

In times of confusion

In chaos and pain

I'm there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame 

I'm there through your heart-ache

I'm there in the storm

My love I will keep you by my power alone 

I don't care where you've fallen or where you have been

I'll never forsake you

My love never ends

It never ends

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh

humility

My entire life, I grew up being told to think "less of myself and more of others." Aka, beat yourself down and serve others without a thought of yourself.
To be humble, you must not accept compliments but think of yourself as absolutely nothing. Worthless. Not deserving of any kind word or deed.

And then at LIFE group tonight, my group leader defined humility as something totally different and it changed my view of what I had been taught about humility and self-worth my whole life.

"Humility does not mean you think any less of yourself, but changes your focus."

I'm not basing my self-worth on how terrible I am in comparison to others. I'm basing it on God's view of me. I'm not focused on how I don't deserve something, but how worthy God is for making me like this and saving me.

It's not that I am to think less of myself as in "I am a terrible person" but to think less often of myself. To focus on other people and serve them, but do so because of love not because "if you don't serve people all the time you are prideful."

I've always thought that thinking of myself at all was selfish. Thinking good thoughts of myself means that I'm self-centered and stuck up.

But maybe tonight God has spoken into me that my view of this is wrong.
I don't have to beat myself down in order to be humble. It's not a sin to accept compliments. I don't have to constantly tear myself down. I can accept other people's encouragements and in turn breathe life into them.
Fill myself up to overflowing so that I can pour God's love and truth into other people's lives.
<3jen

Random

I always get these strange twitter followers nearly every day. People I've never heard of, companies I don't care about, and about once a day some Christian account. 

But today I got followed by some account like that and instead of immediately blocking them like usual, I stopped to look at their tweets. 

And this one popped up. 

Definitely something I needed to be reminded of today... 

"Don't tell God how big your problems are, tell your problems how big your God is."

<3jen

Patience and faith

Growing up, I was taught that if you asked for a character trait, God would put you in a situation to grow in that area. 

Specifically, patience. 

According to basically everyone I knew as an child, if you asked for patience God would send trials and annoying people or events your way in which you could build up your patience levels. 

And He would give no help.

But my views have changed now. What kind of loving God would throw His beloved children into a challenge with no lifeline?

That would be like an Olympic gymnast only training at competitions.

It's insane. And extremely stupid. 

So this thought has been giving me hope today in other requests as well. If I pray for faith, He's not gonna send me a difficulty just so I can do it on my own...

That's the key. 

We're not on our own. 

While, yes, we may stumble upon situations in which we can grow in these characteristics, but we will never do it alone. God has given us strength. He has already won the battle. We have the victory. 

<3jen