To anyone who is reading this: 

say a prayer for me. 

Tonight has been hard. 

<3jen

Focus

In book club last night we talked about "finding God's purpose for us." Not necessarily that we have to find what He wants us to do for the rest of our lives, but that we need to be aware of His goals for us in this moment. 

One quote that was said really stuck with me: "If all you are focusing on is yourself, you become blinded to God's plan for you to love those around you."

***

Lately, I've been stressing about my photography stuff. My camera hasn't been taking that great of photos, I don't think my work is as up to par as usual, everyone is booking other people instead of me despite them saying that they're loving my work... 

Focus, Jen. 

The whole point of my photography is not because I want to be famous. God wants me to use my skills to glorify him. Which is something I have NOT been doing. I've been so wrapped up in getting praise and stuff for my photography that I've forgotten the true purpose of my even having this skill -- to share God's love through my photos. May God help me keep my focus where it needs to be and not let me be blinded by my own self-centeredness. 

******

As I've been so stressed lately, I decided to return to wisdom that J shared with me many months ago: to write out my feelings. I know that I blog on here a lot and complain and such, but I'm starting back into journaling. No censors, no guilt about being selfish, no bothering the world... just me talking through my problems. So far it's helped me see some issues in my life and all that jazz. Maybe it'll help. If not, I'll at least be ranting to myself and not some poor person I'm texting. Or you who's reading this. 

May God use my journaling to help me fight through moments of depression, be more grateful for my blessings than my trials, and to worship Him with my whole being. 

<3jen

Roomie probz

My parents keep bugging me about getting a roommate. I've emailed everyone in the roommate search list at our old church's denomination, I've talked to people, made Facebook statuses, prayed about it! But then nothing has happened and my parents get all mad at me for not finding one... What else am I supposed to do??? Argh. 

And then I come back to visit the trailer and all my old roommate has done is move out her clothes and food. Like? She's not paying rent, why does he get to store all her stuff here for free?? That's not cool. At all. But my parents think is normal? So it's okay for her to keep the keys to the trailer, but not be living here? Ughhhh. God give me patience because I could word smack her real hard right now...

<3jen

Different... But good.

Tonight has been a different sort of night... 

I've discovered things about myself that I hadn't realized before... I talked to people I haven't truly spoken with in years... I actually feel a bit of hope for my struggle with selfishness. 

God was moving tonight. I could (and can still) feel it. 

<3jen

70 times 7

I know we're supposed to forgive people 70 times seven times... But does this really mean we need to go on like this isn't the 490th time they've hurt us? 

Struggling with this today. 

<3jen

Name-saying

I love when people use my name in a conversation or when they're saying goodbye or anytime really! 

Saying "Hello Jen!" in a text means so much to me. 

I may be the only person in the world who feels this way, but oh well. It's special. 

Now, I'm off to practice my name-saying skills. :)

<3jen

Tears

My friends always laugh at how much I cry nowadays. Not in a mean sort of way, but I'm definitely a crybaby now. 

What's so funny to me is how different it is than how I used to be. 

I never cried. In public, at least. I went at least three years without even shedding a tear in front of anyone. I never spoke about my emotions to anyone, definitely not showing them except for when it was socially acceptable. 

God's really worked a wonder in me. It's really quite amazing how much I've changed. 

<3jen