I don't necessarily struggle with forgiving people, but more so with not getting upset at their every status and every comment made about them. It's horrible really. I'm actually happy when something goes badly for them. It's something I've recently been cursed with...And I hate that I can't stop it on my own.
God, move in me. Teach me to love again.
<3jen

Birthdays

People will never be able to fully understand the accomplishment that every birthday of mine celebrates. It marks another year survived. Another year filled with God and friends and family and all the things worth living for... It's a really big deal.
So here's to 18. May I live well, love much, and be a little bit of fantasticalness to the little bit of the world I am a part of.

<3jen

Off-guard

I have gotten used to many many things here at Auburn... But I don't think I will see get used to hearing a teacher swear.
I mean, it's normal to hear my friends and peers say shit and fuck and stuff like that... But when teachers do it? It blows my mind.
I guess growing up in school where the teacher is practically preaching every other sentence, it's just not normal to me to hear them use such vulgar terms. I'll probably get used to it. just like I am used to hearing it in movies, books, friends... but still. It never fails to catch me off-guard.

<3jen

Word of the year

Usually people are all like "I thought long and hard about my word of the year" or "I prayed for hours concerning my word of the year" and these things are all good and well but my word came suddenly to me this year.
I hadn't really thought I was going to have a word, per se, for this year. But I was sitting in church on Sunday and this word slammed in my head.
Control.
That's what I struggle with. Controlling my emotions, controlling my self-discipline, control in my dancing, and most of all, surrendering my control to God.
So I don't necessarily have a list of goals or resolutions for this year, but just a simple word.
Next year at this time, I want to be able to say I've gotten my life under control and have given up the control. It'll be a challenge, but it'll be definitely worth it.

<3jen

I'm done.

With my meds, that is.
I'm officially off my anti-depressants and still doing marvelous.
Over Thanksgiving break I went to my therapist/doctor/lady and she agreed that I need not be on medication anymore. Crazy how far I've come in two years. I'm so blessed.
***
My short titles for these last few posts make me smile. Not sure why such short titles just draw me in... But they do.
In other news, merry Christmas eve's eve!
<3jen

RIP, little ones

I worked everyday this past week in a kindergarten classroom. 17 precious kids, 1 wonderful teacher. And then when I came home Friday afternoon, it felt as if my heart had broken.

20 precious children, 6 wonderful teachers. All gunned down. Point blank. No mercy. No love.
I haven't ever cried this much for people I have never met or even seen.

Just say a prayer for these families. For the ones who have to unwrap all the Christmas presents themselves. For the ones who have to spend the rest of their lives wondering what their children would have looked like, acted like, loved in the future...
Just pray for everyone involved.

RIP, little ones...

I cried today.

It's my last week here in Auburn until 2013. This makes me so sad, yet so excited.
It's finals week, so yesterday we had a eating/study party at my place. The studying done was minimal, but it was so much fun. It's gonna be weird not having those besties around all of the time...
But that's all a side note. The real reason I cried today was church.
We started a new series called "White Christmas." It's on forgiveness. Which is something I have been really really struggling with lately. It's not that anyone's hurt me lately, but it's all this pain I'm harboring from years.
Being betrayed, being ignored, being hated... It's hard to let go of those things. And it's harder to love the people who did it.
But the first step is to pray for them. Pray that they'll be blessed in all they do, in their lives, with their friends and families...
So here goes...

<3jen