what if...

What if I am the reason that I have not gotten 100% healed?
What if it's because I don't really want to be healed?
What if I am never healed because I don't accept how to be healed?
What if God actually can't help me because I won't let Him?
What if it's all because I can't fully trust God with every piece of crap in my life?

What if God gets so tired of me doing the same things over and over that He will be too sick of me to help?

I'm just a frustrating problem sometimes, I know.
oh well.
<3jen