what hurts the most

I think what hurts the most is that no one even notices.

I get so frustrated with my church sometimes. First, the dictatorship bugged me… then the fakeness… and now the stupid restriction of women not being allowed to pray!

Not counting our Sunday morning girls class (which is usually my one grace of the week), I haven’t been to our church in like 8 weeks. And aside from my two best friends, no one has said anything. If that doesn’t make you feel bad, what does? That all of your so-called “Christian friends” don’t even notice when you’re hurt and missing?

******
For my sake, look around in your life and notice who’s missing. You’d be surprised at how much it’d mean to them for you to tell them that you love and miss them…

<3jen

 

 

disclaimer: i did go to one Wednesday night class (no service, though) a couple weeks ago, and a retreat this past weekend, but nobody said ANYTHING about me not being there or practically being in tears the whole time both times. *sigh*

ALIVE

I did fairly well with last year’s resolutions… The only ones i failed miserably at were the reading the Bible in a year and getting all A’s. (i made a b in history at calhoun this semester… BOO. oh well.)

Instead of making 12 resolutions for this coming year, i decided to make them fit with my word of the year… please help and keep me accountable for these. i’m excited about what this year has in store.

***

Accept grace… I’ve spent too much of my time fighting it and rebelling against it. God has always been offering it to me, I need to accept it. And live with grace. quit beating myself up, and realize that God loves me because of Jesus… not because of what I’ve done.

Love others. Quit being so wrapped up in my own problems that i can’t see the people around me. and in love, pray for them..

Initiate things. dont just say “things could be better if” actually DO something about it.

live vivaciously. enjoy every moment, and don’t just waste away each day. Don’t let a bad day make you believe you have a bad life. God gave you today, fill it with joy it.

be an example to the world. don’t necessarily preach the gospel to every person i meet, but by the way i live, show God.

***

my word of the year (2011) has been love.
i’ve written it on my arm, printed it on my wall, carried it around with me…

this coming year’s (2012) word is alive.
i need to quit remorsing over the fact that i’m still here, and embrace the fact that i’m still alive.

**

I’m amazed at how fast this year has flown by… crazy, but amazing. :)

<3jen

“There’s no point in living if you can’t rejoice in the very fact that you are alive.”

stop it!

^that was/is me today.(not really  me, but the rest of the story comes later.) sounds so stupid, but i do get worked up pretty badly when my pictures are very roughly critiqued. its so not important in the long run, but it does cut pretty deep… luckily i have some amazing friends and mentors who are a great comfort and encouragement.

**

while my photography teacher and i were discussing on facebook how i could improve and the areas i am doing much better in, this little ad popped up on my sidebar. i usually ignore those stupid things, but i saw the crying girl and was like, hey! that’s me right now! but what was written under the photo will definitely stick with me for a while…:

“It’s not possible to please everyone, so stop it! There is only ONE you existing in the world, that’s how God made you!

There is no perfect body shape (try to ask different culture backgrounds), there is no perfect accent, perfect skin color, perfect job, perfect career, perfect husband or boy friend (since you are not perfect.)

Please allow me to remind you:
You have what it takes to succeed, you will attract the right people to your path, if you allow yourself to shine according to what’s INSDIE of you, not the outlook of you!”

**

now to get up the strength to go take some more portraits… ::sigh::

<3jenna

This is what I’ve been listening too lately… can you tell my mood’s kinda heading south? Ah well, here’s a list of good things that have happened to me lately:

**i survived a FULL year since i thought i’d never make it… YAY!
**i got to PET A COW on Thanksgiving!!! ftw! :D
**my best friends are so super fantabulous to me. I LOVE YOOOOU!!
**the fall retreat was not great, but the conversations and relationships built there were amazing.
**have i mentioned how much i love christmas shopping? well, yeah. i do. and i love christmassssssss
**i got the ADORABLEST phone case and it makes me happy. two words: polka. dots. ;)
**Pentatonix won The Sing-off :D
**my dance studio is wonderful… i am pretty horrible at my modern dance, but overall, the whole place is amazing.
**ALMOST done with school for this semester and i will NEVER have to have this mean biology teacher again! YAY! haha
**my sister’s coming home for the weekend, and yeah. its been a while since I’ve seen her, so super excited about that. :) :)

I could go on for a few more pages, but i should spare you guys. i guess i really am way more blessed than i admit sometimes…

<3jen

almost thanksgiving…

i’m kinda freaking out, cause i mean, its been a whole freaking year (almost… a few more days) since the whole world has known that i struggled with depression.

i’m not going to let this whole mess ruin my life. I accept the fact that depression is something I’m going to have to deal with for ever probably (thanks to genes…) but i can NOT let it rule my life.

maybe if i keep telling myself this i will eventually accept it, believe it, and put it into practice…

***

On a happier note, its our church’s annual fall retreat this weekend, so super hyped about that. Hopefully it’ll be really encouraging and challenging.

<3jen