Times

I can't play the guitar very well. I pluck and twang and can barely carry a melody, let alone strum it to sound like a song. But lately it has become my solace.

I can only play about three songs well, but there has been one song lately that makes me cry every time. It speaks to my very soul - and epitomizes every part of my life.

Just had to share.
<3jen

"Times"

I know I need You

I need to love You

I'd love to see You but it's been so long 

I long to feel You

I feel this need for You

I need to hear You

Is that so wrong

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh 

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh 

Now You pull me near You

When we're close I fear You

Still I'm afraid to tell you all that I've done 

Are You done forgiving

Or can You look past my pretending, Lord

I'm so tired of defending what I've become

What have I become

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh 

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh 

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh 

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh 

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh 

I hear You say

My love is over

It's underneath

It's inside

It's in between 

The times that you doubt me

When you can't feel

The times that you question

Is this for real 

The times you're broken

The times that you mend

The times you hate me

And the times that you bend 

Well my love is over

It's underneath

It's inside

It's in between 

The times that you're healing

And when your heart breaks

The times that you feel like you've fallen from grace 

The times you're hurting

The times that you heal

The times you go hungry and are tempted to steal 

In times of confusion

In chaos and pain

I'm there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame 

I'm there through your heart-ache

I'm there in the storm

My love I will keep you by my power alone 

I don't care where you've fallen or where you have been

I'll never forsake you

My love never ends

It never ends

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh

humility

My entire life, I grew up being told to think "less of myself and more of others." Aka, beat yourself down and serve others without a thought of yourself.
To be humble, you must not accept compliments but think of yourself as absolutely nothing. Worthless. Not deserving of any kind word or deed.

And then at LIFE group tonight, my group leader defined humility as something totally different and it changed my view of what I had been taught about humility and self-worth my whole life.

"Humility does not mean you think any less of yourself, but changes your focus."

I'm not basing my self-worth on how terrible I am in comparison to others. I'm basing it on God's view of me. I'm not focused on how I don't deserve something, but how worthy God is for making me like this and saving me.

It's not that I am to think less of myself as in "I am a terrible person" but to think less often of myself. To focus on other people and serve them, but do so because of love not because "if you don't serve people all the time you are prideful."

I've always thought that thinking of myself at all was selfish. Thinking good thoughts of myself means that I'm self-centered and stuck up.

But maybe tonight God has spoken into me that my view of this is wrong.
I don't have to beat myself down in order to be humble. It's not a sin to accept compliments. I don't have to constantly tear myself down. I can accept other people's encouragements and in turn breathe life into them.
Fill myself up to overflowing so that I can pour God's love and truth into other people's lives.
<3jen