counseling, session 3

Julie had me write down a list of 6 roles i play in my daily life.

1. Daughter
2. Student
3. Friend
4. Sister
5. Actress
6. Dancer/student teacher

Then I had to put a name with each of the roles on the list. someone who i closely associate with that role.

i then had to imagine my college graduation in 5 years. all six of those people would be there. and they all would have something to say about me. my task was to write down what I hoped they would say. an effort for me to make goals for myself. to have a reason to keep living.

i’ll admit. it was really hard trying to think of things i wanted people to say about me. i hate being complimented. why? i said, cause i don’t believe it. i don’t want to believe it. i’ve always been afraid that if i believed that i was really whatever they said, i would be stuck up. and that’s a flaw i don’t want to have, if i can help it. then Julie explained how it is possible to not beat yourself up all the time but not be tooting your horn all the time. that’s definitely something i’m gonna be working on.. so if i start getting stuck up, please let me know. :P

Julie also has been pushing me to take up a new activity. a dance studio elsewhere, a photography class once a week, ice skating.. the possibilities are endless. and that’s my problem. i like my structured life. my “norm.” but my depression is also part of my “norm”, so to break that, my normal cycle of everyday life is gonna have to change somewhere. and that’s kinda scary. i hate change.

 

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it’s raining. and i’m listening to Meredith Andrews. and i’m eating goldfish. and am ready to go to my best friend’s first ballet recital. you can’t get much better than this.

<3jen